I relate to so much of this, Rebecca. The constant work-work-work and feeling like you're spinning your wheels. The constant feeling of doing too much but also not enough. I think we should start emailing one another so we can commiserate <3
We totally should! Even just to vent and get those feelings out and not feel crazy, because I'm sure you're familiar with venting to non-writer friends and having them give you the whole "well did you know that Stephen King threw away his draft of Carrie?" story in an effort to tell me not to give up. It always drives me insane. We should all have dreams but it does make me wonder when people have BIG dreams if we should all like... I dunno, chill or whatever.
Keep writing. You’re completely right in what you say, about the industry, in how it’s a game of luck, in how social media steals our joy. The emotional and spiritual harm I experienced is astounding. The Artist’s Way helped me tremendously. Other things too I’ll consider sharing in my newsletter.
R, I cannot tell you how much reading this made me feel, I dunno, like maybe we are sharing a brain (perhaps you have it most of the time bc I sure as hell don't). I have been thinking so much lately about how maybe I should just fucking give up this weird grind that feels like self-inflicted torture. & I am also realizing how much I actually kinda really do want to be a "famous writer" & that I'm dissappointed in myself. I want to be 21 and just exploring pictures & poems & writing again, I have to get that energy back. I'm also trying to do morning pages, which I manage maybe twice a week, but when I do, I always do feel more connected to that part of myself that just wrote becuase I want to, because I have to, because it gives me joy when I'm actually in it. anyways, this post is great, thank u.
One of my goals in life was to have a Sylvia Plath amount of physical journals, which I think is a worthy goal. Like all you gotta do is just write shit and never look at it again. Yet since like 2008, all the personal writing I've done has been online, for a public audience, and it's totally affected my voice in a negative way.
It's insane, like there are the kinda unhinged writers who air their grievances online, and whenever I'd get really down on myself, I have to remind myself that I can't be the only person. There are other people who are still pretending it's all fine. I always said my dreams were silly to people irl but internally I still had this absolute DRIVE that only ever made me stressed, and I realize now that that stress has actually done me a lot of damage.
Have you done The Artist's Way? I've found lots of the essays in the book very impacting. Some of them are kinda cheesy and some of them don't quite resonate with me, but others really touch on things that I've felt forever and it's just nice to read something that makes me feel less alone. The book is supposed to be like a "recovery" program for your inner creative child. Would def recommend if you haven't tried it yet.
I have!! I actually started last year but had a hard time being consistent, but I do try to do the morning pages. I think I need to spend time this summer really devoting myself to it. I struggle to get enough sleep so waking up early to do the pages is rough when I alreayd have to get up at like 6 to get my kid to school. I have to figure out some way to be consistent because when I actually spend a chapter a week it's really helpful. I think I have two chapters left but might just start at the beginning next week and truly try the whole shebang, artist date & everything.
The artist date part is *hard* for me. I get a decent chunk of time to myself but there isn't much to do in the suburbs and there isn't a lot going on that's fun to check out. Spending time alone doesn't really feel like catering to my inner child. Last week I took the kids to a market at the university and it was kinda cool to walk around with them and see how things had changed. I still consider it an artist date. I was so focused on being a writer before that I didn't spend as much time with them as I honestly should have. Gotta make up for it now that I can still see the world through their eyes and all that.
For what it’s worth, I’ve always respected you as a writer and I think you write amazing, gritty stories. You are what drew me to Quill & Crow and I ended up publishing with them. All because I looked up to you! Write what you can, but I think the world will benefit having your writing in it. 🖤
Thanks Donna. It's so flattering to hear that I managed to get the press some exposure. Thanks for commenting. It's the little notes like this that do keep me going.
I relate to so much of this, Rebecca. The constant work-work-work and feeling like you're spinning your wheels. The constant feeling of doing too much but also not enough. I think we should start emailing one another so we can commiserate <3
We totally should! Even just to vent and get those feelings out and not feel crazy, because I'm sure you're familiar with venting to non-writer friends and having them give you the whole "well did you know that Stephen King threw away his draft of Carrie?" story in an effort to tell me not to give up. It always drives me insane. We should all have dreams but it does make me wonder when people have BIG dreams if we should all like... I dunno, chill or whatever.
Keep writing. You’re completely right in what you say, about the industry, in how it’s a game of luck, in how social media steals our joy. The emotional and spiritual harm I experienced is astounding. The Artist’s Way helped me tremendously. Other things too I’ll consider sharing in my newsletter.
I hear you. Been there. For the past few years, I have focused on writing the books I want to read. That’s it, my only focus. And I’m having a blast.
R, I cannot tell you how much reading this made me feel, I dunno, like maybe we are sharing a brain (perhaps you have it most of the time bc I sure as hell don't). I have been thinking so much lately about how maybe I should just fucking give up this weird grind that feels like self-inflicted torture. & I am also realizing how much I actually kinda really do want to be a "famous writer" & that I'm dissappointed in myself. I want to be 21 and just exploring pictures & poems & writing again, I have to get that energy back. I'm also trying to do morning pages, which I manage maybe twice a week, but when I do, I always do feel more connected to that part of myself that just wrote becuase I want to, because I have to, because it gives me joy when I'm actually in it. anyways, this post is great, thank u.
One of my goals in life was to have a Sylvia Plath amount of physical journals, which I think is a worthy goal. Like all you gotta do is just write shit and never look at it again. Yet since like 2008, all the personal writing I've done has been online, for a public audience, and it's totally affected my voice in a negative way.
It's insane, like there are the kinda unhinged writers who air their grievances online, and whenever I'd get really down on myself, I have to remind myself that I can't be the only person. There are other people who are still pretending it's all fine. I always said my dreams were silly to people irl but internally I still had this absolute DRIVE that only ever made me stressed, and I realize now that that stress has actually done me a lot of damage.
Have you done The Artist's Way? I've found lots of the essays in the book very impacting. Some of them are kinda cheesy and some of them don't quite resonate with me, but others really touch on things that I've felt forever and it's just nice to read something that makes me feel less alone. The book is supposed to be like a "recovery" program for your inner creative child. Would def recommend if you haven't tried it yet.
I have!! I actually started last year but had a hard time being consistent, but I do try to do the morning pages. I think I need to spend time this summer really devoting myself to it. I struggle to get enough sleep so waking up early to do the pages is rough when I alreayd have to get up at like 6 to get my kid to school. I have to figure out some way to be consistent because when I actually spend a chapter a week it's really helpful. I think I have two chapters left but might just start at the beginning next week and truly try the whole shebang, artist date & everything.
The artist date part is *hard* for me. I get a decent chunk of time to myself but there isn't much to do in the suburbs and there isn't a lot going on that's fun to check out. Spending time alone doesn't really feel like catering to my inner child. Last week I took the kids to a market at the university and it was kinda cool to walk around with them and see how things had changed. I still consider it an artist date. I was so focused on being a writer before that I didn't spend as much time with them as I honestly should have. Gotta make up for it now that I can still see the world through their eyes and all that.
Relatable 💯 ❤️🩹
For what it’s worth, I’ve always respected you as a writer and I think you write amazing, gritty stories. You are what drew me to Quill & Crow and I ended up publishing with them. All because I looked up to you! Write what you can, but I think the world will benefit having your writing in it. 🖤
Thanks Donna. It's so flattering to hear that I managed to get the press some exposure. Thanks for commenting. It's the little notes like this that do keep me going.